Vampires, aaarrrgh!

In the previous post, I mentioned several generes that I love. Now I have to mention one I hate with a passion.

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I am so thoroughly tired of the gothic horror genere that I could scream! I was telling my wife the other day that if I never see another vampire movie or book, it'll be too soon. As it is, you can't go to a movie without seeing a trailer or ad for Twilight or some such inane crapola. The vampire genere is so tired that they decided to try to spice it up by throwing in a bunch of werewolves - bah! The most interesting, creative vampire flick that has come out in a long time was Van Helsing, and even it was barely tolerable.

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But it's not even just the most recent rash of sexy teen vampire flicks that has tired me. The Anne Rice books and films were intensely popular when I was in college, and I read a handful of them before I realized what an incredible waste of time they were. Of course I had to read Bram Stoker's Dracula, and it was tedious. And then there were the Blade movies... Aaargh!

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The lone exception in this dreadful genere is Shadow of the Vampire - a true classic starring John Malkovich and Willem DaFoe. I would recommend this one vampire movie to anyone and everyone as a must-see for the Haloween season!

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Patrick Parker, is a Christian, husband, father, judo and aikido teacher, Program Director for a Cardiac Rehab, and a Ph.D. Contact: mokurendojo@gmail.com or phone 601.248.7282

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The Next Great American Novel

Photo courtesy of Flowery Luza

I am a writer. I write both professionally and as an amateur. I have written longer (hundreds of pages) pieces and I write shorter (~500 words) blog posts almost every day. I've done fiction, non-fiction, and technical. I've been paid to write and I've won prizes for my writing. I even enjoyed the thesis and dissertation components of grad school much better than I liked the make-work nonsense that is greater than 50% of undregrad.

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Since I was a child, barely old enough to understand that people made books, I have wanted to be a career novelist. I love soft (humanistic) sci-fi and sweeping sci-fi epics like Herbert's Dune. I like classic fantasy like Tolkien and Peake. I love creepy horror like Lovecraft and true crime and mystery and I especially love westerns - particularly Lamour's. So, what has kept me from writing the next great American novel?

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I can't lie. Part of it has been the simple fact that I have not devoted the time to doing the writing that it takes to develop the craft. But I also have a couple of hang-ups that I have not yet been able to overcome.

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One is the apparent necessity in modern fiction writing to include the obscene . I don't think I could (and I don't want to) write about sex - especially the deviant sexuality that I see in much of what people buy and sell and read now. For instance, I'm into the second book of John Scalzi's Old Man's War right now. Utterly fascinating space opera with tons of thought-provoking technological twists and a good story line too. But the sexual promiscuity is over the top. Not that it isn't realistic in the universe that Scalzi has created. It's a reasonable part of that created universe, but that doesn't make it less obscene (literally, something that should not be seen, or which should be off-stage). Sex writing is one of my hangups that I haven't overcome.

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Another hurdle is a technical skill - a part of the novelcraft that I haven't developed, which is the ability to expand or condense time. Like in an epic fantasy, there might be journeys that take months or years (or generations) that some masters will cover in a few pages. But on the other hand, there might be an encounter that lasts minutes or seconds (or less) that deserves to occupy many, many pages. I haven't developed that ability sufficiently yet.

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But my life is not over, so watch out! I still dream of being a career novelist when I grow up, so you never can tell when I might release the Next Great American Novel!

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Patrick Parker, is a Christian, husband, father, judo and aikido teacher, Program Director for a Cardiac Rehab, and a Ph.D. Contact: mokurendojo@gmail.com or phone 601.248.7282
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